Catching the signal from one of her friends, Angela brushed her skirt, took a deep breath and walked to where he was sitting. She was a snail while nervously walking to his chair. She was shaking like an earthquake when she got to him. Her mind flashed back to the time he had smiled at her and asked, “hey can I borrow a pencil”. “Hey Angela what’s up?” he said carelessly
“Um I uhhh” She said biting her lip as she snapped back from her flashback
“Is something wrong?”
“I uhhhh…. Never mind” She said as she walked away shamefully
“That chick is as crazy as a cuckoo bird cashing a cats check,” he said to his friends
Angela walked slowly back to her chair and plopped down in it as her friends gave her comforting stairs of affection.
I like how your post had a good amount of dialogue and description, like how how she walked away shamefully instead of like she just walked away.
ReplyDeleteI think it's interesting how you put quite a few literary devices into the first three sentences of the story. Plus another device towards the end. Nice work on the story.
ReplyDeleteHi Jack,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you added in the flashback. The flashbacks, I think, are a way to inform people of what happened in the past and I like being able to know that insight. Your similes and metaphors really made the story more descriptive and it helped created a more solid image in my brain. Great job.
Taylor